hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
