There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
