508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
