Are we in a gay sports bar?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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