dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
