ya dads aren't the best wingmen
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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