when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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