textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
