remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
