I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
