We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize