We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
