My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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