I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
