I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
