our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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