I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
