i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
