dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I have demons in me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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