Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
