where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
