Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
