its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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