So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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