My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
