i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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