you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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