I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
