My hand turned me down
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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