I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
