i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
