So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
