those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
