You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
