The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
