Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't trust your balls anymore.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
