:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
