Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
