I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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