So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
