Nicole vs. Life
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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