You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
COCAINE IS GR8
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
