Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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