omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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