I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
