It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
