Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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