The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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