Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This baby is an asshole
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
