if i can run in heels then i can drive
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
