No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
