So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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