Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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