I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
