whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
