so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
