Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
