Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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