oh god the rape fog is back!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
