So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
