College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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