Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize