I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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