you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
