it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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