New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
