I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
