i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Damn victory sex feels great
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
